Right now, our neighboring community is mourning the loss of 15 year old Phoebe Prince, a South Hadley High School freshman who took her own life on January 14th, 2010. Phoebe had recently moved to Massachusetts from Ireland. On the surface, it seemed she had everything going for her...she was pretty, smart, making friends, and finding her way in a new town. However, beneath the cheerful exterior and gentle demeanor, were serious issues in need of and demanding attention. Growing up is difficult, even in the best of circumstances... never mind being the new kid... or being different... being too pretty or not pretty enough... being too fat... too thin... the list is endless. For some, the pressure to fit into this invisible, predefined, social realm of popularity is overbearing and overwhelming. For Phoebe Prince, and many others, these same pressures can contribute to a mental breakdown of self confidence and self worth leading them to believe that the only way out is death.
So what can we do to help prevent this ...as adults... parents...teachers...mentors...and friends ? For one, We Need To Stop Bullying In Our Schools !!!! I believe there should be a ZERO tolerance policy when it comes to the issues of bullying !!! Secondly, we need to ensure that we are teaching our children compassion, kindness, integrity, and respect for others. I'm not saying that we should become doormats, loose our own self worth, or compromise our values...but there needs to be a higher level of tolerance...more understanding under a general code of human decency. I'm angry at ourselves, as parents, at our school systems, and at our government. Our children are our greatest asset...they ARE our future. I want to point my finger and cast a blame. But the sad truth is, we are all responsible...this is not our children's fault...this is our fault... as a people... a community... and as a society! We need to open our eyes and wake up!
According to a recent national survey, nearly 30% of our children have either been bullied or bullied someone else. Bullying involves singling out and demeaning an individual based on the way they look, the way they talk, the way they act, the things they do, or what they believe in. Bullying takes shape in many forms. It can be physical such as hitting, pushing, slapping, or spitting on another individual. It can be verbal such has calling someone names or directing hate words at them. It can be physiological and manipulative such as ganging up on others, excluding them, or spreading gossip or rumors about them. The latest form of bullying in this new millennium of technology is called cyberbullying. This is when unwanted and nasty e-mails, text, and photos regarding another person are sent through the Internet and posted on websites or social networks.
Many believe that a bully's acts of aggression are a cover up to hide their own low self esteem. However, recent studies have found that bullies are often confident and hold themselves in high regard. Bullies like to have control over others and feel little empathy for there victims. In general, they are physically aggressive and short fused. They often have pro-violence attitudes, are impulsive, and easily angered or frustrated. They are quite capable of making friends and in most cases the friends they choose are followers who join in on the bullying rather than initiating it. This sort of mean spirited behavior usually leads to more trouble. Bullies are more likely to do poorly in school, smoke, drink, and fight than their fellow students. In their adult lives, they most likely will follow the same destructive patterns, failing to develop and maintain healthy, positive relationships.
Most children who are the target of bullies will tell you that they "just don't fit in". In many cases these children have low self esteem, are tense, and extremely cautious. They avoid conflict and will rarely defend themselves when confronted. Often these children are loners and have poor social skills. The bullying only heightens these issues, often causing the child to further isolate themselves, which, in turn, leads to more anxiousness, depression, and insecurities. Continued bullying further tears down their self esteem and sense of worth. For those who have been the target of bullies, statistics show that these individuals have more issues with depression and a lower self-esteem in their adult years than that of their peers.
One thing that's blatantly clear here...is that where there is bullying, no one wins. We need to change this pattern. To do this, we need to raise awareness about the damaging effects of bullying. We need to become more involved as parents and teachers both at home and in the schools. We need more supervision over the lives and actions of our children. We need to better define acceptable conduct and that conduct which will not be tolerated. Clearer lines need to be drawn, rules need to be enforced, and we all must be held accountable for our actions.
Below is a listing of resource links to sites dealing with the issues of bullying. It is my hope that you will check this information out, get educated, and in return be inspired to use your voice to make a difference and help change this unnecessary epidemic in our schools.
Written By: Jessica Layne
